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Sleepy Time

I don’t know about you, but the last week and a half I have been soooooooo tired.  It usually hits me about 1pm or so and gets worse and worse throughout the day.  Like right now……  I could seriously just lay my head down and fall asleep.  But, I can’t.  I have things to do of course.  Life!  Jeez, it gets in the way all the time.  My allergies are also in full swing and I keep forgetting to buy more allergy medicine.  I think not taking it is actually leading to the fatigue I’m feeling.    Who knows really?!   Having a multiple of mystery symptom diseases I could just blame it on a handful of those and just be done with it.  Excuses I have aplenty.

Speaking of excuses, I really do have a lot when it comes to myself.  Me, myself, and I.  I find it extremely hard to focus on myself and fixing things that are broken with me.  I focus all my attention on my daughter and I can’t seem to stop.  I love her and I spoil her.  That’s just how it is.  I’ve piled myself (and her) with activities almost every single day.  It’s pretty draining and obviously is not keeping stress reduced for me.  I’m driving her all over the place for different things.  Why do I do it?  Because I want to give her every opportunity to excel and enjoy her life.  I don’t want her ever to have regrets because she didn’t get to do something or learn something while she was growing up.  She’s spoiled….truly.  But she’s not a brat and that makes me super proud.  She’s a GOOD kid.  A very good kid and I’m totally proud of her.  She’s also my best friend and has been since she was born.  She’s my life and she’s my heart.

Obviously you can see where all my attention goes.  Not much room for anything or anyone else.  I forget that maybe I need to put some of that attention (maybe a lot actually) on myself because I deserve it too.  I deserve to love the person I am…..but I don’t.  Everyday I pray that I will start fixing the broken things about myself.  Everyday I go to sleep kicking myself for another failed day when it comes to those things I swore I would fix.  Everyday I live with such negativity about me.  *sigh*

All I can do though is to try every day to make a change….even a small change….and make it became a new reality for myself.  Small things can add up to huge changes they say.

 

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Posted by on September 19, 2012 in Life, Random Rant

 

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