Yesterday I experienced something I never ever ever want to experience again. EVER!
Let’s start at the beginning. I felt pretty good for the most part until about 12:30pm. Oh, I guess I should tell you that Thursday I ended up leaving work a few hours early because I was stupid and went to read outside during my lunch break. I lasted a whopping 5 minutes and then came in as I was utterly exhausted. The MS exhaustion that is and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. So off I leave for home and crash the rest of the day in my bed. Okay, so Friday I wake up and feel good. I little achy but that is my norm. Around 12:30pm I head over to my thyroid ultrasound appointment. All is well as I get there early and get in early. Woot! Then it happens.
The ultrasound tech lady asks me to lie down with my shoulders at the top of the pillow so my head is tilted down. So I hop up on the table and proceed to do as she asked. Immediately, I’m feeling dizzy and a little odd. I wanted to watch the screen as she started to do the right side of my neck but that was making the feeling rose. So I close my eyes. That doesn’t help. The dizziness continues to get worse, then I start sweating and I’m getting chills like you do when you have the flu. By the time she moves over to the left side of my neck and telling myself to take deep breaths and relax. However, now I can feel my hands starting to tingle and I’m really not feeling too hot. She finishes on the right side and tells me not much longer. I haven’t uttered a word the entire time and am praying over and over to make her get is down as fast as she can. Well, the last part she ultrasounds is the center of my neck and that really, really, really makes me feel horrible. Its so uncomfortable and my entire body is hating it and making me feel horrible. She finally finishes and I slowly raise up to sitting level and I tell her I have to sit awhile before I go. When I sit up things get worse if that is possible. Both my arms from elbow down through my hands start vibrating internally. I’m not talking tingling. This is full out vibration as if I was holding a jack-hammer but it is inside my body. My legs are weak and basically my whole body and I feel I should get to the bathroom. I’m sitting there thinking something is seriously wrong and maybe the tech should be calling a doctor. But I don’t say a word and actually was miffed that the tech didn’t notice I looked like death and call someone herself. Pfft. Well, the vibrations start to diminish some and I decide to head to the bathroom out in the waiting room area. My whole body was soaked and I’m sure I looked like death walking there. I made it though and stay in the bathroom for awhile until I don’t feel quite as bad. I look at my palms and my feet and they are bright red. Well, I tell myself to walk out to my car and sit there as long as I want. I make it out to the car and know there is no way I can go back to work but I’m also thinking there is no way I can drive 25 miles home. I try to think how I could get home without driving. The hubs doesn’t work in the same town or even close so I would be waiting forever for him. I supposed I could call people at work, but then I think that would mean I would have to leave my car in the clinic’s parking and it would get towed if left overnight. I think I could possible get two people from work to help out but I don’t want to be a burde. Soooo, I decide I will drive home. Yep, stupid. The drive home I have the air conditioning full blast and I’m still sweating. I’m so out of it that it is very hard to focus on anything. I’m driving like a zombie I imagine. I took it slow. I talked to myself (inside my head) the entire time and prayed and prayed to make it home safely. I had to repeatedly blink my eyes to focus. Towards the end of the drive I had to start squeezing my face or pinching myself to focus. Well, I did make it home and I tore my clothes off as I get inside and lie down and fall asleep for 2 hours. The rest of the day I spent in bed because I was wiped out. I didn’t feel that horribleness anymore but it took its toll.
It’s the next day now and I’m weak all over. A trip to the grocery store was tiring. Taking the laundry downstairs and then bringing it up after it was finished was tiring. Every time I have to go up stairs or down stairs I seriously think I need to consider moving to a new home that is single level. This has been in my head now for quite some time. It seems inevitable that this house will not work out for me with MS. Today I also have stiffness in the very lower calves and ankles. Yep, another thing I’ve noticed. I wonder if this is what they call spasticity.
Yesterday was frightening. I had moments where I seriously wanted to die rather than feel that horrible. I really thought I was going to pass out driving home. How stupid of me but I didn’t see any other choice. You see, I hate asking for help and honestly I don’t even know who I can ask for help. Everyone that I know has there own problems and I don’t want to become one of them. I’m pretty much a loner and I don’t reach out for anything. I’m not social so my circle of friends is very very small and practically non-existent. I have people that are acquaintances and are my friends but we don’t go out and do things together. So there is a limitation of how much I would open up. It’s very hard for me to open up. Too many things have happened in my life that I’ve really closed myself. But, then again, I’ve always been this way. It’s been only a few times that I’ve made really good friends and then circumstances (distance) pull us apart and it fades away.
I guess with yesterday’s head tilt mayhem, I’ve finally had a scary moment which I believe was MS related. I’m pretty sure it was related just because I tilted my head back. Lesson learned: Never ever tilt my head backwards lying down or even standing up.