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Oh where, oh where, has my blogging gone?

My last post (before this one)….October 1st.

My current state…..Marvelous, Wonderful, Superfragilisticexpealodocious!!

Since refusing to give MS attention and wallow in my own self-pitiness (yes, that is a word.  It’s possibly a word I made up) I have been feeling……well, marvelous, wonderful, superfragilisticexpealodocious!!  I’m not taking any medication for MS specifically now and I couldn’t be feeling any more fabulous.  I’m still taking the Vitamin D daily and low and behold my thyroid medication was the wrong dosage so now that has been resolved for months.  I had an MRI back in December and NO new lesions and nothing lighting up showing activity!!! (activity related to MS that is, I do actually have a brain and it does function.  lol)

I got my ass in gear and joined a weight loss program at a local hospital.  I did this on November 7th.  Tomorrow I am hoping I hit the 40lbs down mark which is exactly the amount of weight I put on from the Betaseron fiasco. I feel amazing!  I won’t stop on the plan though as I have many more pounds to go.  Long-term goal is to be down to my goal weight by end of July 2013.  Short-term goal is to lose at least 10lbs a month which I have been hitting easily.  I have more energy than I know what to do with and no longer have constant thoughts about food or how crappy I look or feel.

2013 is so much better than 2012 was.  That year sucked with physical issues as you well know if you have been reading this blog since the beginning.  (ha ha ha, right!  lol)

  • I started a business of making items and selling at vendor/craft shows whenever I feel like it  (come like my page on Facebook:  Oh, Horse Feathers.  Psst, there are lots of items on sale as I want to get rid of the stock!!).
  • I’ve signed myself and my daughter up for Belly Dancing classes.  I’ve always wanted to learn but never had the guts,  It’s nice to be able to drag my daughter there since she is just the right age for it.
  • I’ve finally gotten into a few Digital Photography classes.  Maybe now I will understand what the hell I’m doing when I take pictures and how to use the lenses I have.  Those settings totally confuse me!
  • Our central Illinois winter has been non-existent so far.  YAY!!!  Yesterday was in the 60s!  I hate snow & ice so I’m ecstatic over what we have been experiencing.
  • I FINALLY hooked up Roku and Boxee to our TVs at home.  That may not sound very exciting but I put this off forever for no reason other than laziness.
  • I have been stating my ‘I Am’ affirmations like I said I would back in the last post.  I’ve done it every single day.  I am a true believer of stating intentions and affirmations.  It was worked so many times in my life.  Thank you again, Dr. Wayne Dyer!!!
  • I’m still in love with exclamation marks when I write posts!!!!!!!!  Oh, yeah!

The year will be one of the best ever!

Until next time……..

 

 

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Posted by on January 30, 2013 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis, Random Rant

 

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Feeling prettah, prettah, prettah….good

No news from me means one of two things.  One:  I’m busy as all hell or Two:  I’m feeling pretty good.  In my case, BOTH are true.

I’ve decided I am not even going to think about MS anymore.  When I do…well I feel crappy.  I know that positive thoughts can do wonders.  I wallow away in a lot of negative thoughts and so I’m trying to turn that around.  I’ve started doing some positive affirmations in the morning when I first get up.  I also am stating my ‘I Am’ wishes (affirmations) throughout the day.  (Thank you Dr. Wayne Dyer!)

My wonderful daughter is in lots of things (because I keep putting her in them.  lol!)  I’m a typical mom I imagine.   We moms will work a full-time job and then grab our kid to take them to some type of practice or event.  We get home sometime after the sun has already gone down.  We really are super-moms!!!   The good news (I think) is that I’ve been able to keep up with it.  Yes, I have days where I am feeling the MS fatigue or something, but most days and most hours of the day I feel good. Woohoo!!!!

My focus this month will be to continue the positive affirmations, to really, really try to eat conciously and to not put some things off to the last minute (like sewing pageant costumes).  Have a great October everyone!!!!!

 

 
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Posted by on October 1, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis, Random Rant

 

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Head Tilt Mayhem

Yesterday I experienced something I never ever ever want to experience again.  EVER!

Let’s start at the beginning.  I felt pretty good for the most part until about 12:30pm.  Oh, I guess I should tell you that Thursday I ended up leaving work a few hours early because I was stupid and went to read outside during my lunch break.  I lasted a whopping 5 minutes and then came in as I was utterly exhausted.  The MS exhaustion that is and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. So off I leave for home and crash the rest of the day in my bed.  Okay, so Friday I wake up and feel good.  I little achy but that is my norm.  Around 12:30pm I head over to my thyroid ultrasound appointment.  All is well as I get there early and get in early.  Woot!  Then it happens.

The ultrasound tech lady asks me to lie down with my shoulders at the top of the pillow so my head is tilted down.  So I hop up on the table and proceed to do as she asked.  Immediately, I’m feeling dizzy and a little odd.  I wanted to watch the screen as she started to do the right side of my neck but that was making the feeling rose.  So I close my eyes.  That doesn’t help. The dizziness continues to get worse, then I start sweating and I’m getting chills like you do when you have the flu.  By the time she moves over to the left side of my neck and telling myself to take deep breaths and relax.  However, now I can feel my hands starting to tingle and I’m really not feeling too hot. She finishes on the right side and tells me not much longer.  I haven’t uttered a word the entire time and am praying over and over to make her get is down as fast as she can.  Well, the last part she ultrasounds is the center of my neck and that really, really, really makes me feel horrible.  Its so uncomfortable and my entire body is hating it and making me feel horrible.  She finally finishes and I slowly raise up to sitting level and I tell her I have to sit awhile before I go. When I sit up things get worse if that is possible.  Both my arms from elbow down through my hands start vibrating internally.  I’m not talking tingling.  This is full out vibration as if I was holding a jack-hammer but it is inside my body.  My legs are weak and basically my whole body and I feel I should get to the bathroom.  I’m sitting there thinking something is seriously wrong and maybe the tech should be calling a doctor. But I don’t say a word and actually was miffed that the tech didn’t notice I looked like death and call someone herself.  Pfft.  Well, the vibrations start to diminish some and I decide to head to the bathroom out in the waiting room area.  My whole body was soaked and I’m sure I looked like death walking there.  I made it though and stay in the bathroom for awhile until I don’t feel quite as bad.  I look at my palms and my feet and they are bright red.  Well, I tell myself to walk out to my car and sit there as long as I want.  I make it out to the car and know there is no way I can go back to work but I’m also thinking there is no way I can drive 25 miles home. I try to think how I could get home without driving.  The hubs doesn’t work in the same town or even close so I would be waiting forever for him.  I supposed I could call people at work, but then I think that would mean I would have to leave my car in the clinic’s parking and it would get towed if left overnight.  I think I could possible get two people from work to help out but I don’t want to be a burde.  Soooo, I decide I will drive home.  Yep, stupid.  The drive home I have the air conditioning full blast and I’m still sweating.  I’m so out of it that it is very hard to focus on anything.  I’m driving like a zombie I imagine.  I took it slow.  I talked to myself (inside my head) the entire time and prayed and prayed to make it home safely.  I had to repeatedly blink my eyes to focus.  Towards the end of the drive I had to start squeezing my face or pinching myself to focus.  Well, I did make it home and I tore my clothes off as I get inside and lie down and fall asleep for 2 hours.  The rest of the day I spent in bed because I was wiped out.  I didn’t feel that horribleness anymore but it took its toll.

It’s the next day now and I’m weak all over. A trip to the grocery store was tiring.  Taking the laundry downstairs and then bringing it up after it was finished was tiring.  Every time I have to go up stairs or down stairs I seriously think I need to consider moving to a new home that is single level.  This has been in my head now for quite some time.  It seems inevitable that this house will not work out for me with MS. Today I also have stiffness in the very lower calves and ankles.  Yep, another thing I’ve noticed.  I wonder if this is what they call spasticity.

Yesterday was frightening. I had moments where I seriously wanted to die rather than feel that horrible. I really thought I was going to pass out driving home.  How stupid of me but I didn’t see any other choice.  You see, I hate asking for help and honestly I don’t even know who I can ask for help.  Everyone that I know has there own problems and I don’t want to become one of them. I’m pretty much a loner and I don’t reach out for anything. I’m not social so my circle of friends is very very small and practically non-existent.  I have people that are acquaintances and are my friends but we don’t go out and do things together.  So there is a limitation of how much I would open up.  It’s very hard for me to open up.  Too many things have happened in my life that I’ve really closed myself.  But, then again, I’ve always been this way. It’s been only a few times that I’ve made really good friends and then circumstances (distance) pull us apart and it fades away.

I guess with yesterday’s head tilt mayhem, I’ve finally had a scary moment which I believe was MS related.  I’m pretty sure it was related just because I tilted my head back.  Lesson learned:  Never ever tilt my head backwards lying down or even standing up.

 
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Posted by on August 25, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis, Thyroid

 

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Insert Catchie (Catchy) Post Title Here

I can never figure out any catchie (catchy) post title.  How do people come up with clever titles?  It’s beyond me.

Have you been watching the Olympics?  I do some but I’m not a crazy, must-watch every second kind of gal.  I like to watch swimming or anything pool related.  Last night was the synchronized men’s diving which I had never heard of before.  It’s now a new favorite of mine and the men look oh so nice in their teeny-tiny suits.  In fact, butt-crack isn’t so bad on their bodies!!  Oops, let’s focus again.  Swimming is awesome!  My daughter swam on a team for a couple of years and I loved watching her.  For some stupid reason, I let her quit and now I can’t get her to go back. I chalk it up to a moment of stupid parenting.  Did you know they had kayaking as an event?  I had no idea.  That course they built was pretty cool though!

Now for a quick update on the MS stuff….  Several weeks back I started drinking pop (you may know this as soda but it is pop where I’m from) and tea.  Stupid me.  My body can’t handle the carbonation or the caffeine.  I have adverse effects immediately just from drinking 8oz.  Well, when I get back to drinking them then I drink more and more.  Yesterday, I put a stop to that.  Water is now my go to drink and honestly I feel so much better when I am drinking that.  I’m having the crappy, nasty headaches associated to the withdrawal though.  Last night had a doozie.  If I hadn’t stopped drinking that stuff yesterday I would have thought the headache last night was MS related but it wasn’t.  Thanks goodness.   I’ve been having joint pain and some fatigue but I think that is completely related to what I’ve been eating.

I’m also attempting (this has to be like the 156,789th time I’ve attempted) to change my eating.  Lately I can’t seem to stomach cooking meat at home.  It is grossing me out.  I used to only have that squeamish feeling around chicken but now it is everything.  I can eat meat that someone else cooks without a problem but even heating something up in the microwave at home is disgusting me.  So, I’m leaning towards eating things that are ‘real’ food.  I’m not being fanatical about it though but I’m trying to choose real fruits and real veggies.  I’ll eat real butter or real cheese (which I hardly ever eat anyway).  I will probably eat tuna from a can some times.  I’ve always noticed that eating processed foods do not fill me up so I eat and eat.  If I eat a real food, I actually can feel full.  Sugar makes my feel like crap even though I love it.  Will I never have a sugary thing again?  No, but I don’t have to have it every hour!!!

This is also the first week I am trying to go workout after work each day.  Yesterday I found my favorite equipment called the Arc Trainer.  I can’t do the Elliptical as it hurts my knees and ankles but the Arc Trainer works well for me.  I prefer it over any of the others including a Treadmill.

Oh well, that’s all I’m writing about today.  Not very exciting but it never is.  Oh, just remembered. I ordered copies of my first MRI and the latest MRI for myself.  I wanted to be able to really look at the images and see the spots (lesions).  Just a few minutes in a doctor’s office doesn’t really help me ‘see’ what is going on.  Now I will have them to ponder over all I want!!

 
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Posted by on July 31, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis, Random Rant

 

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Like a Wet Noodle

Relaxed to the point of my legs feeling like a noodle…..

Floppy…

Heavenly…..

Those are words that describe how I felt after a Hydra-Massage yesterday.  AWESOME!

Let’s back up a step.  Earlier this week I went and signed up at a fitness club.  (I would say which one but I don’t want anyone that knows me that reads this blog to come stalk me there or anything.  I’m trying to be incognito while I’m fat. lol!  But, I think I’ll probably out myself on this within the next few sentences anyway.  So anyone that knows me PLEASE don’t come looking for me.  lol  )  The place is cool and there is a membership level that allows you to get all sorts of other stuff on top of just using the fitness equipment.  Of course, all these ‘things’ are really what is like icing on a cake for me!

I finally went yesterday for the first time to work-out.  The first couple of times going anywhere new for me is really stressful and anxiety riddled.  I did it though!  I went!  I walked on the treadmill for awhile and started sweating so I know it did some good…briefly.  Once I was done with the set time on the torture device  treadmill, I thought I might as well check out the hydra-massage thing if it was available.  Lucky me, it was available!!!

I was clueless how to work it but they were very helpful with what to do.  I laid done on it and went to a happy place immediately. It’s awesome!!!  You have all the control at your fingertips for the strength of the massage, the location and the speed.  It was 10 minutes of wonderfulness!!!!  With this MS stuff my body is always having some type of pain.  (I typically do not pay any attention to it anymore since it is not nearly as intense now that I’m off the medication.) This machine did wonders for relaxing my body.  When the session was done, I felt so very relaxed.

I actually left for home right after once I did the whole locker-room thing.  I’ve learned that I really should wait awhile before driving home.  I was just a bit too relaxed and kind of spacey for driving although I made it successfully home with no mishaps.  😀

I’ve decided that all the extras, with my membership, are actually like treats or ‘way to go’s’ for working out. In addition to the hydra-massage there is tanning and light-therapy.  AWESOME again!  To me these extras are all free, free, free and so, so, so worth it!!!!

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis

 

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Happy Dance!

I am officially OFF Betaseron!!  HAPPY DANCE..woot, woot…Happy, Happy!!!

I just returned from my neuro appt and she has permanently taken me off Betaseron and put in my records that I am allergic to it in a bad way.  She said I was the top patient of hers with the most adverse side effects.  In fact she thinks I’m special!  HA HA HA  (yes, I am in many ways).

I went in determined to say what I wanted to say about medications.  Guess what?  She agrees that for now I don’t need to be on any medication but I will be monitored.  She kept driving that home that I need to be monitored and if my MS starts showing up that we would talk about getting on a different medication.  I’m okay with that actually.  So, I go back in 3 months for a check-up, I increase my Vitamin D to 5000 a day, and an MRI in January.

I can’t wait for the following to go away again from the Betaseron still in my system:

  1. Eating everything in sight.  My appetite increases ferociously on this.
  2. Muscle fatigue and nasty pain going away
  3. Swelling in my feet and hands go back to my normal swelling
  4. Heat intolerance going back to what was normal for me before all this.
  5. ENERGY to do things
  6. Fatigue going away.  I went to bed at 7:30pm last night and that was struggling to stay awake.  Ugh!
  7. Depression going bye-bye
  8. Stress surrounding all this going away

YIPPEEE!!!!!

 

 
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Posted by on July 17, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis

 

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Moody Day

I guess the medication is starting to effect me again…even at the lowest dosage.  Today I feel pretty sad and depressed.  On top of that I am angry…very, very angry…and it all stems from feeling worthless.  I have had  problems my whole life with feeling worthy.  Situations that otherwise wouldn’t have even bothered me one iota have turned in to a feeling of utter doom.  Anyone have a clue what I’m talking about?  Anywho, I am trying to state positive intentions in my head over and over and reassure myself.

Positive thoughts. Hmmm.  That is a common phrase I’ve been hearing since being diagnosed.  “Stay positive! ” “Your attitude really plays a role.”  *sigh*  This I know.  But, you know what?  Most of the time I don’t even “think” about my MS.  I don’t wallow in fear or anger or negativity about getting this disease.  It is what it is.  I only think about it when I write this blog or I have to think about it such as when I’m at a doctor’s appointment or when someone asks me how I’m feeling.  If someone asks me, I’m probably going to tell you what you don’t want to hear and it will come across as negative.  You know why?  Because that is how I feel and I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m feeling great.   I think people expect the lies though.  I’ve dumbfounded so many people when I tell them like it is and they get a loss for words.  Or they try to relate it to something in their own life.  *sigh*   I do appreciate their concern….if I feel it is genuine that is….but I don’t react like any ‘normal’ person so you will be disappointed.

There are many other things in my life that may be causing me to be negative.  It’s not like I’m negative all the time.  Oh wait, maybe I have been since being on this medication as it is royally screwing with my body.  Everyone….everyone….has stresses in their life.  Sometimes you will feel like everything is going wrong but other times you think life is going just great.

God dishes out what we can handle.  I must be a extremely strong person.  LOL!

 

 
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Posted by on July 12, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis

 

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