Author Archives: kerrieb40

About kerrieb40

I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) on January 4th, 2012. More to come because I just can't think of anything else to say right now.

Headaches are out to get me

(I HATE having to come up with blog post titles. I seriously suck at it)

Hello peeps, I know you have all been waiting on the wonderful happenings of me. I’ve been off caffeine now since….hmmm…well awhile now. I sometimes think about having a tea from McDonalds but have avoided it so far. Water is what I drink. I like water so that is a good thing. My skin has really improved.  I’m still attempting to eat real foods but there are days that I find that hard to do.  If I do allow myself something that has sugar in it, I find that I start craving it for the rest of the day and even several days after it.  I must be super sensitive to its effects.  That’s just great…NOT!  It’s frustrating and pisses me off especially since I love sweets.  I’ve been having nasty-ass headaches and have pinpointed it to 1) I’m lying down and 2) I’m sleeping.  (These are a pain in the ass…oh wait, I meant head.)  They are centered above my left eye and won’t go away with Tylenol or ibuprofen.  I did notice that if I laid on my left-side that the pain would dull enough to let me fall asleep or would go completely away.  Most nights (5 out of 7 days) these suckers would wake me up in the middle of the night and I was always on my back or right side.  So, I roll over to the left and then it starts fading.   My left arm has also been falling asleep whether lying or just sitting somewhere.  I finally called Dr. M even though I really didn’t want to.  I forced myself to make the call because of the weird left side connection.  I’m thinking blood blockages and such. The conclusion?  I’m back on the Flexeril at night.  I had cut it out back when I cut out Betaseron.  I’m not thrilled I have to take it again, but I haven’t had a headache since starting so I guess I’m relieved.

I found another weird symptom that I’m assuming is MS related.  It’s kind of bizarre and I haven’t heard anyone talking about this so maybe I’m just crazy.  What is it you ask?  Well, I’ll tell you.  I can be standing (usually) or sitting, and I will feel a vibration on my upper left outer thigh.  When this happens I reach into my pocket for my cell phone thinking its vibrating.  (No shit, this is exactly what it feels like!).  I don’t find my phone in my pocket (because I rarely do that but it is just instinct to reach for it) and then proceed to glance down at the location.  I have no idea what I am actually looking for….perhaps I think I have a bee or something there?!?.  Who knows really what I’m doing.  In any case, I end up a little dumbfounded and hoping no one sees me acting a little odd. In any case, the vibration only lasts a few seconds and then its gone. It’s always on that left side (again with the left side!)  Weird, right?  Yea, that’s me.

I’m still trekking to the fitness club about 4x a week.  Hydro-massage is heavenly.  Oh, about the massage.  There are pressure settings on how intense you want the pressure.  I typically use about a 3 or 4 initially and then less as the time passes.  The lowest setting is kind of interesting in the fact that I can pinpoint where I have less feeling in my legs.  I’m not sure ‘feeling’ is the right word but it sort of mimics the neuro’s exam when they poke you with a pin or when they use that vibrating stick (yes, I know there is a name for it but I have no idea what it is so…whatever).   Thanks goodness I’m not pressure-sensitive there with touch.  I cringe with pain / uncomfortableness when someone lightly touches my upper arms.  I pat, a rub, leaning on me.  All those make me jump back and get angry.  Of course, other people do not know I’m experiencing this pain sensation so can get quite hurt when I tell them ‘Do Not Touch Me!’.  Live and learn peeps.


Posted by on August 9, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis


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I’m Invisible


My reasons:

  1. Automatic doors do not see me.  You know the doors I mean.  Those doors that slide open when you approach them. Well, I can approach them and nothing.  There is not one iota of movement.  I get right up to the door and just stand there.  WTH?!  Then I start waving my arm up so the sensor can see me.  Still nothing. Then I backup and walk to the right then to the left then forward then backward.  Inevitably someone else is either coming in or going out the door and I finally can proceed in the direction I intended. This is real people. No joke!  Happens ALL the time to me.
  2. Automatic faucets in public restrooms do not recognize my hands. I lather my hands up with soap and then proceed to wash it off…..IF I COULD GET THE DAMN WATER TO COME ON!!  Up, down, whole hand, one finger, two finger, side-to-side.  FINALLY it will come on.  And yes, before you ask, I know where the sensor is for the faucets too.  The stupid things are out to frustrate the hell out of me!!

Posted by on August 1, 2012 in Life


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Insert Catchie (Catchy) Post Title Here

I can never figure out any catchie (catchy) post title.  How do people come up with clever titles?  It’s beyond me.

Have you been watching the Olympics?  I do some but I’m not a crazy, must-watch every second kind of gal.  I like to watch swimming or anything pool related.  Last night was the synchronized men’s diving which I had never heard of before.  It’s now a new favorite of mine and the men look oh so nice in their teeny-tiny suits.  In fact, butt-crack isn’t so bad on their bodies!!  Oops, let’s focus again.  Swimming is awesome!  My daughter swam on a team for a couple of years and I loved watching her.  For some stupid reason, I let her quit and now I can’t get her to go back. I chalk it up to a moment of stupid parenting.  Did you know they had kayaking as an event?  I had no idea.  That course they built was pretty cool though!

Now for a quick update on the MS stuff….  Several weeks back I started drinking pop (you may know this as soda but it is pop where I’m from) and tea.  Stupid me.  My body can’t handle the carbonation or the caffeine.  I have adverse effects immediately just from drinking 8oz.  Well, when I get back to drinking them then I drink more and more.  Yesterday, I put a stop to that.  Water is now my go to drink and honestly I feel so much better when I am drinking that.  I’m having the crappy, nasty headaches associated to the withdrawal though.  Last night had a doozie.  If I hadn’t stopped drinking that stuff yesterday I would have thought the headache last night was MS related but it wasn’t.  Thanks goodness.   I’ve been having joint pain and some fatigue but I think that is completely related to what I’ve been eating.

I’m also attempting (this has to be like the 156,789th time I’ve attempted) to change my eating.  Lately I can’t seem to stomach cooking meat at home.  It is grossing me out.  I used to only have that squeamish feeling around chicken but now it is everything.  I can eat meat that someone else cooks without a problem but even heating something up in the microwave at home is disgusting me.  So, I’m leaning towards eating things that are ‘real’ food.  I’m not being fanatical about it though but I’m trying to choose real fruits and real veggies.  I’ll eat real butter or real cheese (which I hardly ever eat anyway).  I will probably eat tuna from a can some times.  I’ve always noticed that eating processed foods do not fill me up so I eat and eat.  If I eat a real food, I actually can feel full.  Sugar makes my feel like crap even though I love it.  Will I never have a sugary thing again?  No, but I don’t have to have it every hour!!!

This is also the first week I am trying to go workout after work each day.  Yesterday I found my favorite equipment called the Arc Trainer.  I can’t do the Elliptical as it hurts my knees and ankles but the Arc Trainer works well for me.  I prefer it over any of the others including a Treadmill.

Oh well, that’s all I’m writing about today.  Not very exciting but it never is.  Oh, just remembered. I ordered copies of my first MRI and the latest MRI for myself.  I wanted to be able to really look at the images and see the spots (lesions).  Just a few minutes in a doctor’s office doesn’t really help me ‘see’ what is going on.  Now I will have them to ponder over all I want!!


Posted by on July 31, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis, Random Rant


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Because It Made Me Laugh

Humor is good for us….

Thank you FamishedMammal for making me smile and laugh!

This is ‘O Fortuna Misheard Lyrics’:

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Posted by on July 28, 2012 in Humor, Life


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Like a Wet Noodle

Relaxed to the point of my legs feeling like a noodle…..



Those are words that describe how I felt after a Hydra-Massage yesterday.  AWESOME!

Let’s back up a step.  Earlier this week I went and signed up at a fitness club.  (I would say which one but I don’t want anyone that knows me that reads this blog to come stalk me there or anything.  I’m trying to be incognito while I’m fat. lol!  But, I think I’ll probably out myself on this within the next few sentences anyway.  So anyone that knows me PLEASE don’t come looking for me.  lol  )  The place is cool and there is a membership level that allows you to get all sorts of other stuff on top of just using the fitness equipment.  Of course, all these ‘things’ are really what is like icing on a cake for me!

I finally went yesterday for the first time to work-out.  The first couple of times going anywhere new for me is really stressful and anxiety riddled.  I did it though!  I went!  I walked on the treadmill for awhile and started sweating so I know it did some good…briefly.  Once I was done with the set time on the torture device  treadmill, I thought I might as well check out the hydra-massage thing if it was available.  Lucky me, it was available!!!

I was clueless how to work it but they were very helpful with what to do.  I laid done on it and went to a happy place immediately. It’s awesome!!!  You have all the control at your fingertips for the strength of the massage, the location and the speed.  It was 10 minutes of wonderfulness!!!!  With this MS stuff my body is always having some type of pain.  (I typically do not pay any attention to it anymore since it is not nearly as intense now that I’m off the medication.) This machine did wonders for relaxing my body.  When the session was done, I felt so very relaxed.

I actually left for home right after once I did the whole locker-room thing.  I’ve learned that I really should wait awhile before driving home.  I was just a bit too relaxed and kind of spacey for driving although I made it successfully home with no mishaps.  😀

I’ve decided that all the extras, with my membership, are actually like treats or ‘way to go’s’ for working out. In addition to the hydra-massage there is tanning and light-therapy.  AWESOME again!  To me these extras are all free, free, free and so, so, so worth it!!!!

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Posted by on July 27, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis


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What’s up!

It’s been almost a week since being off the Betaseron medication.  I’ve noticed that my non-stop eating has slowed some.  I get full now whereas on the medication there was no such thing.  I’ve also noticed that my joint and muscle pains are minimal and energy is way up.  YAY!  I almost feel human again.  Well, in this one tiny aspect I do.  I’m happy and relieved I’m not taking anything right now.

I’ve decided to really strip down all the pills I take that a prescriptions.  I was taking a muscle relaxant at bedtime but have eliminated that.  The synthroid I have to keep taking for my thyroid.  And I’ve stopped taking…oh wait, there isn’t anything else I take!  WOOHOO!

I hate medication.  It has screwed up my life so many times.  Now I’m having to deal with the lasting effects of Betaseron where I put on a ton of weight.  I’m fat people!  I hate going out in public and will try to get out of it if I can.  I don’t really care about going to work because they see me constantly so there isn’t that much embarrassment around it.  But everywhere else….ugh, I cringe at the thought.  Even if it is just to go see family members it’s bad.  I think that is even worse than strangers. Let me think about that….Yep, that is worse.   God forbid I meet someone I haven’t seen in years!!

I’ve dealt with weight issues in the past but never to this extreme.  I tend to put on weight when I’m not happy.  I haven’t been happy for many years now.  So, I was already heavier than I should have been.  Then this whole fiasco since February of this year.  *sigh*

I am contemplating the whole membership to a fitness center again.  Of course, I always contemplate lots of things then proceed with paying for it and never ended up going.  What a waste of money.  I guess I need a workout / diet / good friend, buddy that doesn’t know me at all.  That way I know there are no preconceived notions they already harbor about me in their head.  I don’t have to worry about what they say to so and so or how they perceive me.  A total random person that is in the same situation as me.  Maybe if I start going to the fitness center I will be brave enough to strike up a conversation (THAT will be hard for me in and of itself.  I am like a social outcast and have no idea how to just strike up conversations with strangers OR even people really close to me!  I’m a total introvert) with someone already there and see if I can get a support system in place.  Someone that is in the same boat as me.

My wish right now is to get rid of the weight once and for all and not have to berate myself every single moment of every single day.  Hell, maybe I’ll actually start being happier and start taking action to live my life!



Posted by on July 24, 2012 in Life, Random Rant


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Happy Dance!

I am officially OFF Betaseron!!  HAPPY DANCE..woot, woot…Happy, Happy!!!

I just returned from my neuro appt and she has permanently taken me off Betaseron and put in my records that I am allergic to it in a bad way.  She said I was the top patient of hers with the most adverse side effects.  In fact she thinks I’m special!  HA HA HA  (yes, I am in many ways).

I went in determined to say what I wanted to say about medications.  Guess what?  She agrees that for now I don’t need to be on any medication but I will be monitored.  She kept driving that home that I need to be monitored and if my MS starts showing up that we would talk about getting on a different medication.  I’m okay with that actually.  So, I go back in 3 months for a check-up, I increase my Vitamin D to 5000 a day, and an MRI in January.

I can’t wait for the following to go away again from the Betaseron still in my system:

  1. Eating everything in sight.  My appetite increases ferociously on this.
  2. Muscle fatigue and nasty pain going away
  3. Swelling in my feet and hands go back to my normal swelling
  4. Heat intolerance going back to what was normal for me before all this.
  5. ENERGY to do things
  6. Fatigue going away.  I went to bed at 7:30pm last night and that was struggling to stay awake.  Ugh!
  7. Depression going bye-bye
  8. Stress surrounding all this going away



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Posted by on July 17, 2012 in Life, Multiple Sclerosis


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