Monthly Archives: September 2012

Sleepy Time

I don’t know about you, but the last week and a half I have been soooooooo tired.  It usually hits me about 1pm or so and gets worse and worse throughout the day.  Like right now……  I could seriously just lay my head down and fall asleep.  But, I can’t.  I have things to do of course.  Life!  Jeez, it gets in the way all the time.  My allergies are also in full swing and I keep forgetting to buy more allergy medicine.  I think not taking it is actually leading to the fatigue I’m feeling.    Who knows really?!   Having a multiple of mystery symptom diseases I could just blame it on a handful of those and just be done with it.  Excuses I have aplenty.

Speaking of excuses, I really do have a lot when it comes to myself.  Me, myself, and I.  I find it extremely hard to focus on myself and fixing things that are broken with me.  I focus all my attention on my daughter and I can’t seem to stop.  I love her and I spoil her.  That’s just how it is.  I’ve piled myself (and her) with activities almost every single day.  It’s pretty draining and obviously is not keeping stress reduced for me.  I’m driving her all over the place for different things.  Why do I do it?  Because I want to give her every opportunity to excel and enjoy her life.  I don’t want her ever to have regrets because she didn’t get to do something or learn something while she was growing up.  She’s spoiled….truly.  But she’s not a brat and that makes me super proud.  She’s a GOOD kid.  A very good kid and I’m totally proud of her.  She’s also my best friend and has been since she was born.  She’s my life and she’s my heart.

Obviously you can see where all my attention goes.  Not much room for anything or anyone else.  I forget that maybe I need to put some of that attention (maybe a lot actually) on myself because I deserve it too.  I deserve to love the person I am…..but I don’t.  Everyday I pray that I will start fixing the broken things about myself.  Everyday I go to sleep kicking myself for another failed day when it comes to those things I swore I would fix.  Everyday I live with such negativity about me.  *sigh*

All I can do though is to try every day to make a change….even a small change….and make it became a new reality for myself.  Small things can add up to huge changes they say.



Posted by on September 19, 2012 in Life, Random Rant


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Ultrasound from Hell and what-not

So, it’s been forever and a day that I’ve written here.  My life has ramped up with activities since my daughter got back from the summer at her dads.  I’ve gone from a very mello pace to go-go but not quite to the go-go-go speed yet.

Let’s see, I owe you all a follow-up to the ultrasound from hell (thyroid).  First, the test found I have Hashimoto’s Disease which I already knew about 25+ years ago.  So that was a ‘whatever’ moment.  They also noticed a node/nodule on the front portion of my thyroid.  No wonder I hated it when the tech was doing that portion of the test.  Truly hated, hated, hated it!  I go back in a year to repeat the ultrasound to check on the nodule size.  My thyroid medicine also has been reduced a lot.  I get the lovely pepto bismal colored pills now.  At least I can find it if I drop it!  

Moving on to the episode of hell during the ultrasound…..  I did actually go to my primary doctor after calling my neuro first, then calling the endo to let them know.   Off I go to the primary care.  Everyone seems to agree it was probably a vasovagal response which is nothing to worry about if it doesn’t happen repeatedly.  However,  what about the vibrations in my arms?!  Well, I seem to have stumped everyone with the description of that.  A jackhammer inside my skin and my arms not visibly shaking (or I don’t think they were).  My primary thinks that it might possibly have been some type of seizure since I was wiped out with exhaustion the rest of that day and all the next day.  Verdict:  Well, if it doesn’t happen again don’t worry about it.  Your brain was probably throwing all sorts of electrical charges out once I sat up and whatever was ‘pinched’ to cause the feeling of ‘kill me now I feel like shit’ became unpinched.  My response:  Thrilling  That’s sarcasm folks.    

I haven’t had any more episodes and I’ve actually been feeling pretty good.  Every day is different and it’s always different with intensity too but I’ve been good in general.  Now I wish I could stop eating and get control of my weight issues.  grrrrrrr  I swear part of my brain is damaged by the MS that controls eating.  I swear!

I have basically stopped going to workout because… daughter is back.  Instead of going there, I race home after work to pick her up and then race her over to some activity.  We’ve got volleyball, tennis, volleyball, and pageants.  Oh, and now…after months and months and months of no action on the modeling/acting front for her….she is getting some inquiries from agencies.  Long car rides to come from it all.   Whew!  On top of that I try to take pictures of her  and work on pageant clothing (sewing).  So, maybe I’m not really keeping stress out of my life.  It doesn’t help matters I’m also drinking a crap-load of caffeine again which makes me very irritable.  I must, must, must stop that again!  

What else is going on?  Well, my daughter’s fish died so we had to have a funeral for it last week.  I tend to laugh at inappropriate times because I find some things funny that others wouldn’t.  In any case, I did have to cover my face when I found out when my daughter and hubby were getting the fish out of the tank the tail fell off.  I know, I know!  It shouldn’t be funny.  Um, well it was hilarious to me as I stood there with my hands over my face and laughing so hard I’m crying. I alway start crying when I laugh hard.  It’s a family trait it seems.

Okay, enough for today.


Posted by on September 14, 2012 in Humor, Life, Multiple Sclerosis, Thyroid


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Donate Today – MS Walk 2012

Just a quick note.  I know I owe more of a regular post to catch you all up on the ultrasound of hell, but don’t have the time right now.  HOWEVER, I’m reaching out to each one of you to consider making a donation to the MS Walk that is this Saturday for me.  I’ve been raising money for the Walk for the past 8 years.  It all started when my sister was diagnosed back then.   In any case, the walk is this Saturday so I’m doing a final push for donations.  Anything – large or small – would be greatly appreciated.  Share this post with your friends too!!!!

So, to donate just click this link and you can donate online.  

click me:   MS Walk 2012  

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Posted by on September 6, 2012 in Multiple Sclerosis


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