It’s been almost a week since being off the Betaseron medication. I’ve noticed that my non-stop eating has slowed some. I get full now whereas on the medication there was no such thing. I’ve also noticed that my joint and muscle pains are minimal and energy is way up. YAY! I almost feel human again. Well, in this one tiny aspect I do. I’m happy and relieved I’m not taking anything right now.
I’ve decided to really strip down all the pills I take that a prescriptions. I was taking a muscle relaxant at bedtime but have eliminated that. The synthroid I have to keep taking for my thyroid. And I’ve stopped taking…oh wait, there isn’t anything else I take! WOOHOO!
I hate medication. It has screwed up my life so many times. Now I’m having to deal with the lasting effects of Betaseron where I put on a ton of weight. I’m fat people! I hate going out in public and will try to get out of it if I can. I don’t really care about going to work because they see me constantly so there isn’t that much embarrassment around it. But everywhere else….ugh, I cringe at the thought. Even if it is just to go see family members it’s bad. I think that is even worse than strangers. Let me think about that….Yep, that is worse. God forbid I meet someone I haven’t seen in years!!
I’ve dealt with weight issues in the past but never to this extreme. I tend to put on weight when I’m not happy. I haven’t been happy for many years now. So, I was already heavier than I should have been. Then this whole fiasco since February of this year. *sigh*
I am contemplating the whole membership to a fitness center again. Of course, I always contemplate lots of things then proceed with paying for it and never ended up going. What a waste of money. I guess I need a workout / diet / good friend, buddy that doesn’t know me at all. That way I know there are no preconceived notions they already harbor about me in their head. I don’t have to worry about what they say to so and so or how they perceive me. A total random person that is in the same situation as me. Maybe if I start going to the fitness center I will be brave enough to strike up a conversation (THAT will be hard for me in and of itself. I am like a social outcast and have no idea how to just strike up conversations with strangers OR even people really close to me! I’m a total introvert) with someone already there and see if I can get a support system in place. Someone that is in the same boat as me.
My wish right now is to get rid of the weight once and for all and not have to berate myself every single moment of every single day. Hell, maybe I’ll actually start being happier and start taking action to live my life!