I guess the medication is starting to effect me again…even at the lowest dosage. Today I feel pretty sad and depressed. On top of that I am angry…very, very angry…and it all stems from feeling worthless. I have had problems my whole life with feeling worthy. Situations that otherwise wouldn’t have even bothered me one iota have turned in to a feeling of utter doom. Anyone have a clue what I’m talking about? Anywho, I am trying to state positive intentions in my head over and over and reassure myself.
Positive thoughts. Hmmm. That is a common phrase I’ve been hearing since being diagnosed. “Stay positive! ” “Your attitude really plays a role.” *sigh* This I know. But, you know what? Most of the time I don’t even “think” about my MS. I don’t wallow in fear or anger or negativity about getting this disease. It is what it is. I only think about it when I write this blog or I have to think about it such as when I’m at a doctor’s appointment or when someone asks me how I’m feeling. If someone asks me, I’m probably going to tell you what you don’t want to hear and it will come across as negative. You know why? Because that is how I feel and I’m not going to lie to you and say I’m feeling great. I think people expect the lies though. I’ve dumbfounded so many people when I tell them like it is and they get a loss for words. Or they try to relate it to something in their own life. *sigh* I do appreciate their concern….if I feel it is genuine that is….but I don’t react like any ‘normal’ person so you will be disappointed.
There are many other things in my life that may be causing me to be negative. It’s not like I’m negative all the time. Oh wait, maybe I have been since being on this medication as it is royally screwing with my body. Everyone….everyone….has stresses in their life. Sometimes you will feel like everything is going wrong but other times you think life is going just great.
God dishes out what we can handle. I must be a extremely strong person. LOL!