Day 4: Lopsided World

08 Jan

Lying in bed this morning still with my eyes shut I’m thinking I feel good and all that jazz.  I feel like all the stuff that I was experiencing was gone.  It even brought a smile to my face.  I finally get up since there is no use being lazy even though it is Sunday.  I go straight to the bathroom and start taking a shower.  At this point I’m doing everything automated.  I never look at myself in the mirror before a shower.  So I’m clueless.  I get out of the shower, brush my hair, deodorant and the start brushing my teeth.  Seems to all be going well.  I then get my pills out to take for today (nothing MS related yet since I haven’t started shots.  Still waiting on pre-auth)  I use a cup to have water in for swallowing the pills and I dribble.  A lot. OMG!  How clumsy.  Then it dawns on me that maybe the MS stuff is still with me since drinking that water seems to have been odd or different or just not right.  You take your pick!  Finally the mirror isn’t all steamed up from the shower and I look at myself for the first time.  “Hmm, I wonder what I look like if I open my mouth really wide because my mouth seems to be problematic.  I open my mouth in an O shape and what do I see?   A VERY tilted O. CRAP!!!!  I do it over and over and if I conciously make the effort to try to form a perfect O I get closer.  But still not symmetrical. STUPID RIGHT SIDE of my face is off.  I guess it doesn’t want to wake up as much as the left.  Needless to say eating cereal was challenging  too.  My right eye feels extremely fuzzy and wet and burny. It feels like there are so many tears just on the surface of it.  Of course, makes seeing from that eye more difficult. Talking today is worse.  Typing is worse.  So this day is NOT a good day.  It’s worse than yesterday.  I am pretty down about it.  I don’t want sympathy but I just want people to know what is going on without them catering to me and pitying me.  My husband probably hasn’t recognized any of this at all.  We don’t actually interact to much with each other….different activities, etc. My daughter knows though since she is always around me.  I don’t want to HAVE to tell family.  I don’t want them to start carrying the burden because it is mine and not theirs.   I just want them to look at me as they normally would and just understand INSIDE theirselves.  I DON’T WANT PITY and I don’t want to stress out anyone else.  Hard to describe.

I wonder how the hell I’m going to manage work tomorrow.  Looks like I’ll be doing things a lot slower….much slower.  At least I have a desk job that usually allows for that .  Fingers crossed.



Posted by on January 8, 2012 in Multiple Sclerosis


Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

4 responses to “Day 4: Lopsided World

  1. kateshunter

    January 9, 2012 at 6:16 pm

    ok, I just read this post after I commented on your other one. call your doctor!!! and if they don’t do anything, get a new neurologist! you should definitely be on steroids if your actively relapsing and those symptoms sound new and your MS doc should know about them!
    keep us updated!

  2. Steph

    January 10, 2012 at 11:59 am

    I agree with Kate. New symtoms…call the doctor!! Praying for ya

  3. kerrieb40

    January 10, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    I ended up going to the emergency room and was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy. Got a shoot in the big booty (steroids) and took some rx home to. Saw my dr. today and feel good about things. Just sucks I get Bell’s Palsy the same freakin week of getting the diagnosis of MS. Jeez!! Thank you SO MUCH for your words!!!!!

  4. Carla

    January 11, 2012 at 1:23 pm

    Lopsided. Good term! I use “sideways” a lot. A LOT. Cause that’s how I feel many days. Glad you went to the doctor. New stuff is freaky, especially with MS. I’ve had steroids a few times, IV and shots. They give me energy, but I get crabby on them, too. Weird, I had shingles right before I was dx’d with MS. Shingles was horrifyingly painful. Hang in there, girl.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: