Day 3: Frustrated as all get out

07 Jan

It’s 6pm and I tell you I am so ready to just crawl in to bed and not have to talk or do anything else.  Talking was crap today.  Crap, crap, crap.  Grrrr.  I have been slurring like a drunken sailor!  On top of that, I had a task to type out a bunch of addresses this morning so I could get to the post office.  Okay, not really a bunch.  Just about 25. Took me FOREVER!   Might as well throw in all the issues I was having while eating too.  It definitely was not normal eating.  I was dribbling (ewww) and felt like I had to open my mouth super wide and then concentrate…yes, concentrate…on what I was doing and getting it chewed up.   Licking my lips was also….weird.  Hard to explain how that felt.  My eyes have been doing some freaky things to.  As I sit here they will start repeatedly blinking ….like a twitch almost.  They also just feel like I can’t focus on anything at all.  And talk about feeling spacey and tired.  Might as well throw in that I tripped a few times too.  Ugh.

For these types of symptoms this seems to have been the worse day for them.

Of course, it’s annoying when I’m repeatedly asked what I said.  I get so frustrated that I just say STOP.  I can’t help it.  If you can’t understand me then just stop.  Stop, stop, stop, stop.  I just really wanted to scream.  It’s so FRUSTRATING!!!!!  My daughter (she’s 11) and I went shopping today.  She is so understanding and ‘mature’ for her age.  She ‘gets’ that I can’t help these things and she helps.  But sometimes she goes into that ‘Ask Me A Million Questions” routine and today that happened a lot.  After saying STOP about the 3rd time she did.  She just says ‘It’s okay.  I understand.’.  And I honestly think she does.

I hope my sleeping is not woken by another headache. Last night the glorious headache arrived right about 2am.  It always seems to be that time.  It was a lovely headache behind my eye.  Those suck.  Well, all of them really suck.

SUCK SUCK SUCK SUCK BLECK!!!  Yep, that’s how I feel.

Tonight a little worry has started to creep in to my head.  My symptoms are noticeable today…a lot.  They weren’t like that before I don’t think.  Hell, I could just not remember. But it hasn’t happened for quite some time. Another reason I think it took so long for the diagnosis. Anyway, now I feel like they are worse so that makes me wonder how bad they will get.  Am I going to be able to even talk a year from now?  Will I be able to feed myself?  Will my eyesight get so bad that I’ll have to have a service dog?  Will I lose the ability to type or write?  Really scary stuff now. *sigh*


Random Note here:  I want to thank all those that have commented.  It helps to know that someone out there knows what it is like.  THANK YOU!!!!

1 Comment

Posted by on January 7, 2012 in Multiple Sclerosis


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One response to “Day 3: Frustrated as all get out

  1. kateshunter

    January 9, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    thanks for following me on my blog and leading me to yours! all of your fears and worries are totally valid, thought most likely your symptoms will decrease. that’s the whole “remitting” part of this. of course we never know what will never go away and it does suck, A LOT! I wonder why your doctor hasn’t put you on a round of steroids to stop the inflammation that’s going on. (the lit up lesions are active and inflamed) anyway, I am here with any questions you may have or anything at all really. I’ve been diagnosed since February 2007 and have taken both Rebif and Copaxone, and as you know Tysabri. keep bitching and moaning, it’ll help!


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